Welcoming a new baby into the family can be very exciting and somewhat overwhelming for a newly-minted Big Sibling. These items can make the transition smoother, and we've broken the items up into 3 categories: Books to read before baby arrives, Items that help promote bonding between the siblings, and Toys that entertain without overstimulating the 2-4 year old. 

First, a quick overview of what to expect in a second labor...
Second labors are usually shorter than first labors. The general predictive math is to cut each phase of labor in half... except for early labor. Early labor in second pregnancies can be a little fuzzy... often looking like runs of contractions after you put your older child to bed, that then fade away overnight. This can go on for days or weeks leading up to your due date and then suddenly, one night... they don't fade away and it's time to roll! Fun fact: this is the same prediction we usually use with VBACs as well, even if the cervix did not dilate in the first pregnancy. 

What about third labors?
​Complete wildcards. Sorry!!!  For the most part, they will follow a similar timing and trajectory of a second labor... but sometimes they have a MUCH longer early dilation phase because baby hangs out on the pubic bone instead of tucking and diving into the pelvis. Once they engage though, they usually fly right through. 

So, given that timing, here are some ideas for what you can do with your older child while you are in labor and recovering. 

1. Family or close friends​
Sometimes, parents get privileged to have family or close friends nearby that are familiar with the older child's routine and can easily step in and stay with the child at their home for the entire duration of labor and the hospital stay afterwards. You can be kind and helpful if this is the case, by arranging breaks for the primary caregiver from other friends or family nearby. If Grandparents are going to be caring for the older child, having an aunt or a friend plan to come take the child for a fun outing during one of their days can be a helpful addition. 

2. Current childcare provider... with a boost!
Often, nannies will be open to being on call for overnight work (with an additional fee) while you are at the end of your pregnancy. This should be discussed before agreeing to anything... discussing the rate and how many hours the nanny will want to work without a break. A common arrangement is paying the nanny their regular rate while the child is awake, and then switching to a "flat rate" overnight while the child is asleep. This really only works if your child reliably sleeps through the night without needing any care. 

Similarly, if your child has a flexible daycare provider (like a family-run in-home daycare), they are sometimes willing to be overnight care in a pinch...  you may have to drop a sleepy child off on your way to the hospital though, but it is worth exploring!

If your child is in a larger daycare and you don't have a list of regular sitters handy, you can ask the staff at the daycare if they are willing to be your on-call night time sitter for your older child. This could be a great option because your child already knows and is familiar with this person. 

3. Hire a Sibling Doula
Second labors are usually shorter than first labors. The general predictive math is to cut each phase of labor in half... except for early labor. Early labor is actually often longer, with a lot of "false starts" that send you to bed, expecting to be awoken with strong contractions and instead waking in the morning... still pregnant. Once labor REALLY starts though, your dilation phase should be half the amount of time and then pushing is also about half.  Sibling doulas are just that... professional doulas who are happy to be on call to drop whatever they are doing and come care for your child until you relieve them. This can be quite pricey, with the range being anywhere from $1200-$2000 as a flat fee. This usually covers a meeting with the family before the birth, and an in-person meeting or playdate with the child so they get to know the doula. The fee normally has an hourly cap on it, sometimes 24 hours and sometimes up to 36. It really depends on the doula's package. If you need care past the hourly cap, you can often have the doula stay at an additional hourly rate. 

4a. Have your partner go back home.
After your second baby has been born and you and your partner have bonded with the new little love, it is actually common for the second parent to return home (especially at night) to care for the older sibling and sleep in a real bed. I know, I know... it feels super weird and abnormal... but having a well-rested partner return to the hospital after breakfast to help you navigate the pediatrician exam and hospital discharge is really nice. Your night alone with baby in the hospital is not really alone, you'll have a nurse to care for you and baby. If that is not enough support for you...
4b. Hire an overnight postpartum doula for YOU in the hospital
This option is pretty easy to navigate and our team offers this as part of our overnight agency model. The doula would show up at 9pm for an 8-hour shift, ready to stay all night and help you get to and from the toilet, and hand you the baby when it's time to feed. They will do all of the rocking, diapering, soothing, swaddling... all while your partner is sleeping happily in their own bed. This service for our team runs $520 for one night, and other doulas in Seattle are similarly priced. 

5. A combination of the above *the most common option*
I have a few examples of combinations I have seen work well... and yes, these are all real situations. 

Family: Alex (birthing parent), Blake (second parent) and 3 year old Riley.
Alex goes into labor at 3 am, and Blake calls their nanny over to sleep at the house with Riley. Nanny takes Riley to preschool the next day and then Grandma picks up Riley at 2pm. Grandma take Riley back to their house for the evening and the baby sister June is born at 3pm. Blake stays with Alex and baby June until 7pm, and then goes home to relieve grandma. Blake stays overnight with Riley, doing bath time and bedtime as normal. A postpartum doula arrives at the hospital at 9pm to help Alex with June, leaving at 5am. Nanny returns at 8am to care for Riley as it's a non-preschool day. Blake returns to the hospital at 8:30 to help get Alex and June ready for discharge. The pediatric and physician checks on Alex and June are done around 3pm and they pack up and head home where Riley is waiting to meet baby June. 

Family: Alex (birthing parent), Blake (second parent) and 3 year old Riley.
Alex's water breaks at 7pm when Blake is getting Riley into the bath. Contractions start immediately and they all pile into the car, calling their doula and nanny on the way. Doula gets to the hospital before they do and is standing at the entrance when they pull up. Doula helps Alex get into the labor unit and Blake waits in the parking lot for 10 minutes until Nanny arrives to take Riley back home. Baby June is born at 8:20pm that night. Nanny spends the night and following day with Riley, getting a small break while Riley is at preschool. Alex and Blake opt to discharge a little early with baby June and leave the hospital at 5pm the next night. 

Family: Alex (single birthing parent) and 3 year old Riley.
Alex feels like labor is starting just after Riley has gone to bed and calls their dad over to crash on the couch to be ready when it's time to go. Alex has also planned to have their best friend, Heather, come hang out while labor ramps up and calls her over to stay the night. Labor picks up at midnight and Heather and Alex head out to meet the birth doula at the hospital. Riley wakes up in the morning and grandpa takes Riley over to his house to spend the next day and night with Nana and Papa. Alex gives birth to baby June via cesarean section at 8pm. Alex realizes they won't be discharged for 2 more nights, so they call a preschool friend of Riley's who agrees to pick up Riley the next 2 mornings and keep Riley for a playdate, returning Riley to Nana and Papa before lunch to give Nana and Papa a break. Riley still naps so this is a nice long break each day for Nana and Papa. The doula leaves after the baby is born, and Heather stays the first night to support Alex. After Riley is picked up by the preschool friend the next day, Alex's mom comes to spend the day with Alex and June and Heather goes home to sleep. Alex had hired a postpartum doula to be on standby for night shifts. Between Nana coming during the day to hang out and help, and the postpartum doula overnight, Alex feels supported even with the unplanned cesarean. Grandpa takes Riley to visit on the second night in the hospital, bringing dinner to Alex and getting Riley some much needed parent-snuggles while meeting baby June.

Family: Alex (single birthing parent), 6 year old Rowan and 3 year old Riley.
For this labor, Alex has planned to deliver at home and only plans to have the older child (Rowan) home for this event. Alex knows they will not be able to surrender into their labor unless they turn off "parent mode" so they have multiple layers of childcare ready. Labor begins at midnight when both kids are curled up in Alex's bed. Alex calls their birth team and calls their mom to come pick up Riley. The birth team arrives first, including Heather who will be acting as Rowan's doula for the duration of the labor. Alex's sister arrives and packs up Riley, driving them to grandma's house for the night. Heather and Rowan play dress up, bake cookies and pull a fun all-nighter during the 6 hour labor. Rowan feels supported and happy, and gets to come snuggle the new baby as soon as they are born, cutting the cord and cuddling up with Alex in the big bed after the birth. 

Other considerations/FAQ:

We are birthing at home and we don't want to have our older child present, what do we do?
Similarly to the above, you will need to find one of these options that will welcome your child into their home for the duration of the labor. It is vital that you also have a backup childcare plan that covers time in the hospital in the event of a transfer. While this is unlikely to be needed, not having this plan could make a transfer infinitely more complicated 

We are birthing at home and want our child present. We don't need childcare. 
Yikes... this is definitely not accurate. You will be indisposed and unable to care for your child and if you want your partner present with you for the delivery, having birth childcare is vital. This is actually the original purpose of a sibling doula. Sibling doulas are on call to come to your home for the delivery and offer support to the child, whatever they need. They might need a snack, a nap, or labor nuances explained or normalized. You can hire a sibling doula for this or you can find a trusted friend who knows your child well.  Also, a planned home birth does always carry the risk of transfer to hospital and it is not wise to bring a child to the hospital for that event. 

I am not comfortable leaving my child with any caregiver and we have no family in the area. Nannies, sitters and sibling doulas are not an option and my child does not go to daycare or preschool. 
If there are truly no options other than you or your partner and you are planning to deliver at the hospital, your only realistic path is to have your partner skip the labor attendance and hire a birth doula for you for labor support and arrange postpartum doulas for you during your stay in the hospital. This path absolutely happens and is a valid choice that some parents will make to prioritize their comfort while the new baby arrives. 

Please, do not plan on having your child attend your hospital labor or birth. Hospitals usually have policies against children in the labor room and honestly, people do not labor well with a small child in the room. They need to be able to turn of "parent mode" in order to fully lean into their labor. Even if you think you will be comforted by your child's presence, your child is more than likely to be distressed by yours as the necessary moaning, screaming, fluids, blood, tears, fear, chaos, ecstasy and joy of labor can be unsettling. It is less unsettling if the labor occurs in the home the child knows, with sights, smells, snacks, toys, comfort objects and midwives the child knows well. It is even further comfortable for the child with a dedicated support person who can take them to another room of the home when they need a break.